so you know

at 1st i thought u are not coming to school.
so i got up as usual. went to school.
but i didnt sit at the same place. instead i went to the canteen. hehe..
i rarely go to the canteen in the morning wan. i went there. & no one there la. there is only 2 other gals.
um.. so quiet. so peaceful. so i just sat there did some work. so comfortable. with table & bench.
after that its time to go up class.
so i got up & walk back to class. um.. i use the long way. so tired also la.
this time i got into the class not the 1st one. most of them came in before me d. & i can see their faces shock to see me also. thinking that im not coming. some thinking i was late. haha.. im never late for school before. the latest time for me is by 7.10am la.
then i put down my bag. suddenly someone hold me from behind.
um.. luckily i didnt hit or scolded that person.
um.. who would it be?
i thought my dumdum not coming?
who else would it be?
my dumdum.. mwahh..
im so happy that u came to school. i never thought u would come.
im sorry i didnt tell u last night that i have to walk back bcos i thought u are not coming. so i dont wanna make u come to school.
but u came. mwahh..
thanks for walking me back. im happy happy walking back with u.
im happy that u came 2day.
but im worried too. sometimes u are not feeling well. sighs.. its bcos u are getting enough sleep lately.
mwahh..
plss..take more rest ok. take caress

pieces of me

u fix it. & put me back together.
when i almost gave up on everything. when i thought there is no such thing as happiness.
u were there. always there for me. showing me there is still hope in life.
u lift me up when i was really really down. when i dont see anything more in this life.
u are the one.
& now u are saying u are the cause.
what is this?
im smiling 2day is bcos i had u all this while. u gave me brightness. when i was in darkness.
now u say it is u. haizz..
is it u wanna gimme be back all the darkness again
is it u are telling me that there is really no hope there
what are u telling me?

what i want

good looking guy. is that what i want?
dont u ever get it. haizz..
um.. good looking.
what good it has?
it mean nothing to me.
good looking guy doesnt keeps u smiling
good looking guy doesnt gives u happiness
what do u all ever see in good looking guy ah?
i just dont get it.
its not the look that matters.
its what from the inside matters the most.

incomparable

why wont u understand? M and i are just friends. nothing more than that.
we have just been friends ever since we met. nothing more. just that.
how many times do i have to keep saying that?
u are nothing to do with the splitting. even when i havent met u. we werent stable.
so enough with u are the cause of everything. i dont like u saying that ever.

what are you

CAPRICORN [dec22 - jan19]
Pretty/handsome. Smart. Loves to dress up. Love to bust. Easily bored. Intelligent. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Family oriented. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down to earth. Stubborn. Loves being in long relationships.

AQUARIUS [jan1 - feb18]
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Very sexy. Temperamental. Trustworthy. Unpredictable. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Easily angered. Romantic on the inside not outside.

PISCES [feb19 - mar20]
Caring and kind. Smart. Attractive personality. Sexy. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Affectionate shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest. Generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.

ARIES [mar21 - apr19]
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not the one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships. Addictive. Loud. Stubborn. Calm and cool. Very confident. Sensitive. Hot but has brains. Hyper. Fun to be around. Secretive.

TAURUS [apr20 - may20]
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Stubborn and hard-hearted. Firm standpoint. Likes to give a good fight. Not one to mess with. A caring person. One of a kind. Strong willed and highly motivated. Hardworking. Beautiful physically and mentally. Extremely outgoing. Good kisser. Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Attracts others and loves attention. Loves to help people in times of need. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless.

GEMINI [may21 - jun21]
THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Understanding. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Great in telling stories. Great flirts. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong.

CANCER [jun22 - jul22]
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet and is an absolute pleasure to be around. Entirely creative. Freak. Quiet unless excited and tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Spontaneous.

LEO [jul23 - aug22]
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost everything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Loves being appreciated. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Judges people through observations. Hardworking.

VIRGO [aug23 - sep22]
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain". Caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. Stubborn. Curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter.

LIBRA [sep23 - oct22]
Nice to everyone. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Artistic. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Suave and generous. Usually have many friends. Emotional. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. Most caring person. However not the one you wanna mess with.

SCORPIO [oct23 - nov21]
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves those who love them. Talkative. Romantic. Brave and fearless. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Playful but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Can hold their own. Stands out in crowd. Essentially very smart.

SAGITTARIUS [nov22 - dec21]
Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone. Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Very caring. Polite and soft spoken. Loyal and generous. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Silly, fun and sweet. Easily influenced by kindness. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Loves music. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. PATRIOTIC. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know.

hurt and pain

at 1st i thought u understand me. u could understand what i have gone thru. u could feel how im feeling.
but now it seems i was just fooling myself with that statement.
u never do.
sighs..
it hurts..
when u loved someone so much that finally he says u cheat.
it hurts..

no one

do any one understand this..
this heart of mine
this feeling of mine
this pain inside of me ..ME?
do any one ever understand ME?
none.. no one..
sighs.. im all so hurt so painful.
is it wrong i love someone?
is loving someone a big mistake in my life?
when i love someone i really really love him.
but every relationship i have problems.
sighs.. what have i done to deserve this?
until u can say i cheated u?
how could u say like that?
when i really loved u.
is my love all a lie?
is my love all a joke?
is my love all a game?
is my love all a fake story?
is it all never existed?
is it im just dreaming all by myself?
i didnt show u enough is it?
or is it i dont deserve anyone in my life?
if thats so?
so fine then.. then everyone might as well stay away from me. go away from me.

smiling on the inside and out

um.. 17 more days then im turning 17
hehe.. haizz.. so fast. but its just like yesterday im still playing around. so small. primary school. running here & there. during recess daddy come & find me. hehe.. & now all so grown up d.
seventeen..
um.. time passes really fast. as we go on there are more & more memories. sweet ones & sour ones.
thats part of life. there are ups & downs. it will wont be happy always. then u wont learn from mistakes.
anyways 16 sounds sweet
17 sounds kinda old
18 sounds mature
19 sounds ok
20 sounds so so
21 sounds young
22 sounds ok ok
& bla..bla..bla...
haha.. crazy me with ages. nothing better to do.

A friend is someone we turn to
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives
with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in
a better and happier place.

A stranger you were once.
Then, with a gentle look you took my hand.
As our lives engaged,
you lit my life and I held both your hands.
Now,
we have indeed become one.
How fortunate we are
that we have found each other.

in the mood

let continue..
im so happy 2day. until there is so much to say. hehe..
all this i wish to pour everything to him but i just dunno where go wrong.
he came in the class. just sat there. said nothing to me. until i talk to him.
i asked where did u go. toilet. um.. that is all.
um.. i dunno whats the matter.
maybe he dont wants to talk. ok. nevermind. i just sat by myself then.
lately also i been lonely.
but anyways im used to it.
bcos since he is here it has been much better. i got him. all this while i had no one.
so i very happy to have him.
1st period..add maths.
did some new chapter with complicating graph thingy. so ma fan. haha..
so i just simply draw draw.
then wanna count. finding for calculator. sighs.. not in my bag.
i dont remember seeing it at home. & i dont remember using it at home. i know monday i brought. yesterday too i brought. bcos yesterday too we had add maths. & i remember i did some counting.
but now i dunno where is my calculator. dame.. well..u know i never like losing my things. even a single eraser only i go on looking whole day on the floor. haha..
& if i dont find what im missing. i will never be peaceful. bad habit of me. haizz.. what to do.
i asked him weather is it with him. i asked him did i brought my calculator yesterday. um.. did i left it in class yesterday.
haizz.. i still cant recall where i left it. so got some 50cents & call home. mummy.. hehe.. she answered. so i asked her is my calculator at home. on the table or on my table. she said dont have wo. only have the one with my sis name. then thats not mine at all.
um.. so fine.. hung up. & that public phone eat my 50cents. sighs.. bad bad..
walking back to class i kept thinking.. & thinking..
pn.L is already in the class. i knocked & came in. & still keep thinking about my calculator. its accounts & definitely we need a calculator. i got to borrow calculator then. um.. if anything i always find him 1st. this time not i want to reject him. not that i dont want to borrow from him. its bcos his calculator will make me keep thinking about mine.
sighs.. i hope i didnt upset u k. i didnt intent to reject u or put u aside or anything k.
so im struggling to do work there without thinking about my calculator.
well.. at certain time i can. but at certain time i cant. i just keep thinking about it.
until recess.. most of them went out d. so i stay in the class a little more longer. to see under the tables. & i go thru some calculator. there are not mine at all. so i almost gave up finding it in the class d.
then.. i go back to him. um.. he wanted to pass me a calculator. i dunno he wanted to give me or borrow me or what. but i thought that could be mine. but i dont dare to see it myself d. so i told him to slide the cover.
it was my name there. hehe.. im so happy.. =)
but he seem sad sad. haizz.. dont be sad sad. im not upset or angry or anything. im happy that found it already.
i dont mind the calculator is with who or who. as long i get it back. im very happy already.
then we go down for recess. im so happy.. so talked all the way. talking.. & talking..about morning & everything. but he just keep silent only. like he dont want to hear. um.. after little while i just stop talking.
i asked him weather wanna go eat or not. bcos i dont want him hungry hungry later. dont want also. um.. nevermind lor.
um.. recess also i never talk much with him. i just went to jo with her friends. talked a few words. then.. nothing to say d. went up back to class. there also we didnt talk much. sighs..
i dunno why. i was so happy 2day. thought i could tell him everything what i do & how i feel 2day. but.. its just like that then.

getting in the mood

went to school so early 2day. so fresh. so happy.
1st time i woke up so early & go bath.
so so very happy.
somemore did some work in de morning.
um.. sitting at the same place. i was thinking about doing this every morning. then i will go to school happy happy ma. hehe..
this morning is so different. i dont feel sleepy. i dont feel tired. i dont feel anything bad bad. i was really really happy happy. hehe..
sitting there. with so happy. i just cant wait to see my dumdum. to say everything to him.
but 6.20am d. i still dont see him. sighs.. nevermind. i dont want to upset my day. & i also dont want to upset him. so i dont mind. just wait.
everyone is going up to class d but still i dont see him. sobs..
is it my dum dum not coming to school?
i dunno.
so i just went up to class also. hoping to see him there. not there also.
sooner most of them are already in the class.
then that D in front of me. dame..
her place is so dame messy. rubbish on the floor.
this is not 1st time. many times d. but she dont even bother sweeping. dame.. i dunno how she could bare this.
i can never stand it.
at 1st i just sat. hoping she knows to get her butt up & do something..
sighs.. useless.. she do nothing.
never sweep the class wan. me? me again? sighs..
if she sweeps also only her place. selfish.. i never do that. & many times already i sweep de class. bcos i cant stand seeing it. & i dont just sweep my place. along the way i sweep everywhere.
so fine.. i also dont want to get angry so much. so i just got the broom. & swept.
she got the face to get that heavy butt just sitting there & tell me thanks somemore. haizz..
im just wordless la. i just swept & kept quiet.

- GOOD MORNING -

um.. i woke up at 5am 2day. hehe..
at 1st when i woke up i cant sleep d.
turn here & there trying to go back to sleep also cant.
so i just woke up. & take a bath.
happily..
then put on my uniform & call my dumdum.
dumdum no answer. sleeping maybe.
so nevermind. let him oin oin. so i just leave him msg.
came down. turn on all the lights bcos i was de only one awake that time.
then did some komsas notes.
its just 5.20am. thats normally when my alarm starts ringing.
i just smile at the time.
im early early 2day.
so i continue doing work.
& its already 6.20am. thats normally when i got out of bed.
hehe.. then i hear sis got up.
at 6.30am. i finish writing 3 title of komsas notes d.
so i pack & get ready to school.
such a nice morning.

girls

um.. lately didnt blog much eh.
um.. i dunno la. dame..SPM getting dame close.
so i just post what i have.
um.. girls..
as a gal i can tell u we are complicated la. hehe..
what to do. thats definition of a girl.
sometimes we dont even know what we want.
sometimes we get mad so fast.
um.. many many more too say.
about girls there are never endings. hehe..
anyways about de 30 things some of it u can rely on. but some.. um..not all la ok. & it applies differently to different girls.
so study it urself if u want to.
so thats it for now. im outta here. dumdum is waiting.. hehe..

-GOOD NIGHT-

30 Things about Gals

30 Things about Girls

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.
2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.
3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship' s over).
4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.
5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.
6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to react to them.
7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare OK?
8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.
9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.
10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).
11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.
12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.
13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.
14. A smile means a lot to a girl.
15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.
16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.
17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.
18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.....
19. Hearing the words "I Love You" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.
20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.
21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.
22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.
23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.
24. Girls love having fun!
25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.
26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.
27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.
28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.
29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.
30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

dying inside

all this while i kept all silent
here & there
im noisy
im smiling
im laughing

but was i all this while happy?
is quiet means there always nothing there?
actually i have so much in me
too many that i dont even understand...

i dont know...
i dont have answers...

every second of me im having this feeling
feeling so empty
so lonely
so confused

whoever understand this?
none...

not even myself have the answers to all my questions
many just say to me, 'i understand' 'i know how u feel' ...
nothing is ever close to what i am feeling

every second of my life is full with tears
until i have none anymore
but every part of me is always crying & tearing itself apart ...each & everytime, day by day, everyday...

add maths done

im feeling so happy now. i just complete de add maths project work. =)
um.. finishing so early than i expected. hehe.. i guess we have learned our lesson last year.
last year we hand in late. after got nagging from her. when we went to see her in the teachers room. sighs..
she scolded us in front of all the teachers. sighs.. so embarrassing.
anyways that wont happen now.
um.. less 1 work now. im so happy because i type it out all myself. hehe.. i can do my way.
usually my way takes long long time. but surprisingly its done now.
just need to bind it.
that will be done in no time.
um.. i can sleep tight 2nite. hehe..

what a day

after so long didnt went for a swim finally 2day went swimming. um.. got back home earlier at 1.10pm didnt took my lunch. packed. change. got ready. & just wait for jo.
waited until 2. then left home to fetch her.
there we are in 3K. dame.. cant bring slippers into the site. eww.. so disgusting. haizz.. not used to walk in public toilet without slippers eh. so i have to choice. feel like want to strangle that fellow la. so i walked on toes. hehe..
um.. didnt swim long. just about half an hour. got out. let myself dry little while. then go shower.
dame.. not the toilet again. haizz..
after that went to eat at A&W. yeah.. my faourite. its been quite a while didnt eat at there.
spent about RM20 on eating. haha..
anyways have long long talks with jo. from one person to another person to another thing & another thing. hehe..
we cant go anywhere bcos its raining.
so just stay still at there. talking. & talking.
its about 5. its still drizzling. how do we go back. by taxi um.. jo said by bus. aiks.. no. no. bus.. haha.. im so worried i land somewhere else. because honestly i hardly take bus to anywhere. & if we take taxi its gonna stop us somewhere & we gonna walk somemore. no. no.
at 5. um.. he must be finishing his tuition soon. so i gave him a text. hope u could gimme a call back.
not yet. waited about 5.05pm. i gave him a call. havent finish tuition yet. so sorry..
after that he called me back & he could come & fetch me. =)
after that he called again. asked weather i could walk across. aiks.. how to walk across. with so many many cars on the road. & u know my weakness is crossing road with cars. & its drizzling.
he said ok he will stop in front. hehe.. so fast. there he was. um.. his driving. =P
i dunno how to write. if only u were in the car. with me screaming here & there. hehe..
for the 1st time in my life. he told me its better u keep quiet for a while dear. haha.. so funny..

how am i to know

sighs..
i just feel down & down & more down. who could understand this.
am i too easily pushed around?
am i too easily fooled?
am i too brittle?
am i too soft?
what am i?
sighs..
nothing but just a broken heart.
i dont understand myself too. where did i go wrong? what is my fault?
do i deserve to go thru this all my life?
is that so?
i have no answers. just no answers. but just question marks.

my sorry

sorry..
i dunno what can i say. i have hurt u many times.
sighs.. im really sorry. i know i shouldnt have went.
but my intentions are not to hurt u. i really dont mean to hurt u.
i know my sorry & my words wont make any differences now. but i hope u understand.
my intentions are not to hurt u.

"One Last Cry"

"One Last Cry"

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

Cry.....

I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Stop living a lie

[Bridge:]
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on
And on ....
And on ....

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie

I guess I'm down,
I guess I'm down,
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

what about me

um..
i havent been posting for a few days. well.. nothing much to say the past few days. anyways i did have some ups & downs. haizz..
2day in school. morning was miserable. i just wish u morning but i get nothing. so i just kept quiet all the day. its not that i dont want to talk to u or ignoring u. but i wanted to see when u are gonna come up to me.
u sat away. & u got up. & gone. um.. its ok. then theres a gal talking about u. um.. she likes ur eyes. hehe..
she says ur cute. u are.
got in the class. but i just kept myself silent. so do u. lesson goes on. u came & talk a little & gone again.
during english talking about what we like about ourselves & what we dislike about ourselves.
um.. me..
what i like is i really like the way i do work. i agree its slow. but anyways in the end it turns out neat & nice. just the way i want it. then only im satisfied. another thing is i dont easily forget things in my life. i mostly remember everything. eventhough its little little things which might be nothing to u.
sometimes it simply makes me smile when i comes into my mind.
um.. what i dislike is doing work my way will take a long time. haizz.. cant ever change that.
next is i often feel hurt. i dunno why. haizz.. im just too soft. am i. sighs.. sometimes i think i give in to easily. but thats just me. i have care in myself. i care eventhough that person hurts me. sometimes i just wish that care from me just repay as in appreciation. but what to do. most take me for granted.